numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
A year and a half or so ago, I was having a regular, reoccurring dream that old Livejournal as it was back in the mid-to-late 2000s still existed, but was only accessible from the computer lab of the college I was attending in 2005. Or dreams that it had been reclaimed from SUP and the FSB and rebooted, and all of its old userbase was gradually trickling back in. Like joining Bluesky back at the end of November felt, as more and more of the people I'd been following on Twitter until the end of 2022 started appearing.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
Trigger warning for absolute ghoulishness. No violence or gore, but yikes.

Folks are thinking that the video was probably meant to be satire, and it went right over his head when he reposted it. But the thought that he seriously thinks this is what should happen is ghoulish, and should clue anyone in who may still be naive about Trump's utter venal cynicism that something is seriously wrong with this asshole.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
- Yes, my dw background has changed a bunch this past weekend as I play around with different GIMP effects. For my current one, I was shooting for "image that could have been a tiled background in 1998."I missed my Blue Matrix theme from LJ and did my best to recreate it with the stuff currently available to me.

- A lot has been posted by various parties on Bluesky over the past few days about the so-called "Dark Enlightenment," which I've taken to calling the "Dork Enlightenment." Because, trust a bunch of shitty libertarian-adjacent fascist dorks to try and think of something to call themselves that sounds cool and edgy.

They're Dorks. And hey, I spent a huge chunk of my life being a dork. Dorks resent everyone who they perceive as being cooler and more socially adroit and self-actualized than they are.

Dorks become engrossed in fantasies of putting everyone they resent "in their place." They're still mired in angsty, angry, adolescent fantasies about taking over the world and making everyone who didn't acknowledge their genius grovel for mercy and beg for a chance to kiss their ass. Which is maybe understandable when someone is a teenager, but a huge red flag when they're getting on up into their 50s.

Growing out of being a Dork is a process. But it's a step in the journey. It's not somewhere that anyone should want to stay in their growth process. And I think this is maybe why the Dorks are so angry.

In many cases they have more money than God. It should get them the acclaim and adulation they crave. Hey, they won capitalism! Shouldn't that count for something? But it doesn't, and they don't know why. And they want to make it everyone's problem.

They could have tried for Nerd Rapture, but they settled for Nerd Damnation instead.

One trend I have been running into a lot is reactionary conspiracy theorists who are right about something - but for the wrong reasons, or from the wrong standpoint. Like when Alex Jones seethed about neeerrrrds. Or when Evangelical Christian conspiracy theorists freak out about random symbols in pop culture, and corporate logos being symbols of ancient pagan gods (they are, and their presence does threaten the Evangelical Christian status quo - but this is good! It needs to be threatened! Those ancient godforms have been in our collective unconscious the whole time, and they're trying to get through to us any way they can, and let us know that they're still there. But I digress.)

AI is being forced on us right now, and the Dorks are trying to make it compulsory. Where it'll be illegal to opt out. To *not* participate. I'm reminded of a certain prophesy where in a future time, people will be unable to buy or sell without a certain mark. And how a certain head of state seems to fit a lot of the other particulars of that prophesy.

But anyway. I'm just spitballing. As are some of the folks over on Bluesky.

Anyway, I'm sure it's fine.

As I've stated a lot recently, one idea of a way through this mess is of the "old internet" coming back, which it already has done in some ways with Neocities and the Fediverse. A parallel internet that we can return to, that we can build, as the main one is ravaged by AI and Walled Garden Social Media platforms continue to become a Vichy state media propaganda apparatus. Like pirate radio used to be, or people in the CB radio subculture were in the 70s.

We can make it happen.

Current Mood.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
...or as I like to call it, the Dork Enlightenment.

There have been some articles floating around about the so-called "Dark Enlightenment," but probably not nearly as much as there should be, seeing as how it's the philosophy behind Elon Musk's takeover of America; along with other Oligarchs he is aligned with like Peter Thiel.

In a nutshell: it's the belief that the rich white men running Big Tech right now are superior to everyone else and have become Feudal Overlords. )
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
- I started a Big Post about how, along with Grant Morrison, David Lynch sort of provided a Roadmap Out Of the Current Mess We're In (aka "Shovel Ourselves Out Of The Shit") in Twin Peaks: The Return. I haven't finished it, accidentally left it on public for a while, and made it private. I plan on finishing it over the weekend.

- I realized when working on it that Grant Morrison had given 12/22/2012 as the End Of The World (or at least, the Simulation.) Matrix 4 was released 12/22/21. Coincidence? Again, I'm definitely not trying to suggest anything bad regarding the possible entanglement of The Matrix with The Invisibles. I love both creations and their creators equally. Just that I'm not sure it's possible to disentangle them, whether the Wachowski Sisters intended it or not.

- I found this on Tumblr a long time ago, I have no idea who made it, but it's awesome. Would it be tacky to make it into an icon?


- As a part of my effort to divest from vischy media, I was going to subscribe to Wired and Huffington Post. But then this happened. So now it's Wired and 2600 Magazine.

Current Mood: BEAN DELIVERY.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
And I feel like I should have figured this out before, if I haven't already. My time on this journal seems to include repeating cycles where I have an epiphany about something, go "why hadn't this occurred to me before?" And then something causes me to check previous entries from years ago, and it turns out that it had occurred to me, I just forgot.

It was the first or second time this happened that caused me to start to migrate back to journaling, vs other forms of social media in the late 2010s.

In this case, the reason why the initial audience reaction to the Matrix sequels was so negative. Not because they're "bad movies," But because the fans wanted the sequel they imagined in their heads where Neo was going to "teach everyone else still stuck in the Matrix how to do what he did."

They especially didn't want anything to create doubt about The Prophesy or The One. They wanted a sequel about a Prophetic Savior, and they wanted him to beat the Machines and liberate all of humanity. This is an aspect of the Fandom Displeasure that I have already gone over at length.

Here's the thing. Of course people wanted that imaginary sequel to awe them and shake up their brains the way that the first one had. But I also think that in 2003, a lot of fans maybe wanted the sequels to essentially be something that would turn out to be a roadmap out of the increasingly shitty situation that was developing in the real world. Something they could actually believe in, something which would contain the strategic or symbolic or metaphorical tools to fight back against the "Machines" or their real-world equivalent - in real time - and restore the world to the way it had been back in the 90s (or specifically, the way it was before September 11, 2001.)

I mean, I know there were people who wanted an Actual Redpill, like it was a Hogwarts Letter. I know this on a personal basis. But in a sense, Neo-ism had low-key become a religion to some of these people, and Neo was a god to them. And for the Sisters to claim "No, it was all a trick by The Machines" was tantamount to the Sisters telling these people that their god wasn't real. And I think maybe the chuds going around calling themselves "Red Pills" are fighting for their idea of what "the Matrix was supposed to be, before it was ruined," on some level, trying to "reclaim" a movie and its symbolset for what their idea of masculinity is. A movie created by two trans women.

All of this is similar to an idea I had about why interest in the X Files TV show eventually fizzled out, as well; and it wasn't just because David Duchovny left the show. It may have to do with the unspoken belief amongst some fans that Chris Carter at one point was trying to communicate THE REAL TRUTH as he saw it to the TV viewing audience. But that also would mean that whatever Mulder and Scully eventually found would have to be THE REAL TRUTH about alien/ufo abductions as well, and that maybe Chris Carter either wasn't willing or wasn't able to commit fully to the bit, as it were.

I mean, he claims to have been visited by the actual FBI at one point and questioned about what he knew, because something he put in the show was "too similar to the truth," but they wouldn't tell him which thing. But yeah. X Files enraptured and excited audiences the same way that The Matrix did in many ways, and for some viewers I think that part of that excitement came from the idea that they were maybe getting tidbits of actual "truth." From a TV show.

But there are reasons why the sequels couldn't have been made the way a lot of fans might have wanted. The first being that maybe the Sisters were probably not trying to spark a revolution, they were maybe just trying to create a cool work of art containing influences from, and tributes to, different books, film, TV, and anime they liked, like a lot of creators do. A work of art that contained a subtextual, autobiograhical undercurrent of their experiences of being Transgender, and of Queer rebellion.

Second: Rage against which Machines? Would any two people in 2003 have agreed who or what "The Machines" or "The System" was?

I know that in 1999, a lot of us young working class American Gen X/Millennial cuspers had this vague idea of "The System" being "The Man." And "The Man" wanted us all to conform, and get steady jobs, and exchange our youthful ideals for lives of empty but comfortable materialism. There were already some ideological lines in the sand.

For example: if, like me, you were a young white Queer person at the turn of the century, your ideals were probably Left of center, and you idea of "The Man" definitely included conservative authority figures like Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr, cops, your mean boss at work who made you cover your tattoos and take out your piercings, and also noted hatemongers like Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Jesse Helms and Fred Phelps. Your idea of "The Man" probably differed a lot from those whose politics were more towards the Center or Right, but you could still go to Dennys with those people and hang out. Peer groups tended to be more politically diverse back then - but that may have just been my experience as someone living in the suburb of a big city. Someone's experience growing up in a small town was probably very different.

But by 2003, it seemed we'd split into ideological Left or Liberal vs Conservative (or really, Neoconservative) lines, based on your opinion of George W. Bush and the war in Iraq. And this divide just kept growing, thanks a lot to the Bush administration's divisive binary, black-and-white, "you're either with us or against us" wartime propaganda and rhetoric. The emergence of algorithm-driven social media (and a lot of the bad actors who use it) made that divide all but irreconcilable, because the web 2.0 social media algorithm is an "engagement" vampire that feeds on conflict. What this means is, you have two or more ideologically opposed groups, each of whom are convinced that their adversaries are "The Machines," and need to be defeated.

Third, and this is probably the most important: The Suits(tm) weren't, and aren't going to give people the tools or the roadmap they need to Actually Dismantle The System. They're not going to let this happen with any entertainment franchise. I think Speed Racer and Sense8 are probably as close as we are going to be able get from the Wachowski Sisters? Any "revolutionary" themed entertainment that does get out to us is generally intended to be a cathartic safety release valve so we don't actually revolt. It's escapism for people to disappear into while the world burns, or is stripped for parts.

HOWEVER: Another problem is that I think the Sisters maybe underestimated how much The Matrix already had radicalized some people, and the fact that those people were going to the Sequels hoping to be radicalized again. Or that the language and symbolism of the film would seep into the pop culture language of revolution and radicalization.

Or that it could all fall into the wrong hands, and be used by bad actors to influence people to believe and to do bad things. Someone was eventually going to misappropriate that symbolset, and that is exactly what they did.

But what would it have looked like, if the Wachowski Sisters themselves had provided such a roadmap? Well, if they had (and I know this is kind of a controversial subject) it might resemble the one in Grant Morrison's comic book series The Invisibles.

There have been all sorts of rumors about the influence that the comic supposedly had on the first film, that issues of the comic were being passed around on the set, etc. I heard these rumors for the first time in 2005, but I didn't actually sit down and read the comic until 2013. I do see the parallels. I've also seen what happens when the same idea emerges from the collective subconscious and approaches different sets of creators at around the same time: because it was time for that particular idea to be disseminated.

It does makes me wonder what an Invisibles movie or series would look like. And if one of the reasons why The Matrix took off and Invisibles has remained more or less in the comic medium is the fact that the Matrix distills those ideas down to something that can be experienced and assimilated in one sitting.

Anyway, go read The Invisibles!

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numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
This is Donald Trump's address about how he's going to impose tariffs on Colombia (which he misspells as "Columbia") and the President of Colombia Gustavo Petro's response. I will try and get a transcription of it to put here, but for right now, here are the images.

Donald Trump threatens Colombia with tariffs )

Gustavo Petro responds. )

Now THIS is what a real leader sounds like. All respect to President Petro. I'm sorry this is happening, a lot of us voted to prevent it, and I wish more had taken the threat of another Trump regime seriously.

As for me, I went into full prepper mode and stocked up on coffee, rice and beans, in case Trump's tariff craziness causes food to become scarce as well.

EDIT: People are saying President Petro has "already caved," but I wonder if it's not more like him getting Colombian people out of the USA before Trump starts putting them in camps.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
Everything sucks, so I'm rewatching Twin Peaks.

I feel obligated to report whenever I have a dream about The Matrix. Well, I had a dream last night. After getting impaled in Matrix Revolutions (lol spoilers) Trinity is in Juno's office from Beetlejuice and asks her "what happens next?"

I think Juno's response was "well that depends."

I don't remember what happened after that, except that obviously (also spoilers) Trinity went back. So anyway.

I think my favorite Matrix dream is still the one where Trinity goes to rescue Neo after he gets grabbed the first time. She goes in expecting to fight an Agent, expecting to be killed, and Smith is like "thank god, take me with you."

This got me thinking about the overall plot of the sequels in relation to the first film, and got me wondering if, in the timeline of the five previous iterations, getting the Zion mainframe access codes was important in the run-up to attacking Zion and perpetuating the cycle, or if Cypher (or his equivalent) being thwarted always happens.

LOL I am probably overthinking this a lot.

Switching gears, I feel like an unintended consequence of my posting falling off over the last ten years is that I haven't addressed a lot of the activism-related stuff I should have kept more towards the forefront. I have mentioned the ongoing genocide in Gaza a few times and my opinions on it, but not networking about what the average person can do to actually, you know, do anything to help. Mostly I've donated to Doctors Without Borders and World Central Kitchen. I signal boost mutual aid requests whenever they come across my feed over on bluesky, but that doesn't translate to stuff that ends up over here.

Meanwhile, Teen Vogue posted this list of resources for Trans teens.

Back during the early 2000s, I was able to keep up with the news pretty well and update my website and blog on my Livejournal pretty much every time there was a development. But things move so quickly now that things frequently feel overwhelming. It's easy to lose sight of what should take priority. Individual sounds can get lost in the din. And I think maybe that for a lot of the bad actors on the world's stage right now, this is the plan.

All of the anti-fash fiction I grew up on, like Elric and Marshall Law, etc, talked about the "obsessive order" of fascism. And I'm like, have you seen fascism? It's chaotic as fuck. It can't even decide what it believes from one moment to the next, because it really has no fixed ideology outside of grabbing and maintaining power. It's not really about order at all.

Walter Sobchak was wrong: National Socialism is not, in fact an Ethos. It's just about power. Other than that, it is actually just nihilism.

The displacement and/or murder of innocent people, whether it's by the dozens, the hundreds, the thousands, or the millions, is really just a flex - a salve for people with weak, wounded, empty egos. And fanning the fires of hatred is just a means to an end; a way to get other weak people to go along with it. An illusion of strength, that an actually strong-minded person will see right through in an instant.

When I was 21, I had this epiphany one night that only inherently weak people seek power, because truly strong, secure, confident people don't see the need. Power is something a person seeks when they are spiritually, intellectually, personally weak; to make up for a perceived deficit that they feel inside.

But power is something that you have. Meaning that, like the man said in Andor, it has to be maintained, constantly. It can be bungled, or lost, or taken away. Being strong is what you are, and no one else can really take it away from you.

And the authoritarians and fascists - the weak people - will never really have that. They could be, say, the richest, most powerful man in the world, and still be a weakling inside. And only weak people seek power, rather than developing strength: because they can't tell the difference. They've never known or experienced it themselves.

Power is what a weak person thinks strength is.

Who goes Nazi? Harper Magazine asked, and answered that question back in 1941. "Kind, good, happy, gentlemanly, secure people never go Nazi. They may be the gentle philosopher whose name is in the Blue Book, or Bill from City College to whom democracy gave a chance to design airplanes—you’ll never make Nazis out of them. But the frustrated and humiliated intellectual, the rich and scared speculator, the spoiled son, the labor tyrant, the fellow who has achieved success by smelling out the wind of success—they would all go Nazi in a crisis."

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numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
Photomanip of Captain America punching a nazi, Elon Musk.

I just wish there would be some kind of consequences for Elon now for doing a literal nazi salute, aside from the fact that he is still the most joyless, uncool, unlikable person on Earth, and not even his daddy likes him. You can tell just from photos and videos that he sucks all of the life out of any room he's in. Not even the neo nazis and 4channers he is sucking up to actually like him as a person. His spaceships blow up, his cars catch on fire. He has to cheat at video games. He has to create sockpuppet accounts to like and comment on his own posts. The average IT helpdesk call center employee knows more about tech than he does.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
I don't wanna be like, "hey, does it seem to anyone else like a whole lot of people who probably didn't vote for Kamala Harris because they didn't like the Biden Administation's policy on Gaza just threw their principles into the trash over an app?" But yeah.

Oh well. I guess we'll see what happens when Trump has 50% ownership, and it basically becomes a state-run propaganda firehose like Xitter. (Instead of, you know, the propaganda firehose it already is currently.)

I understand what TikTok means to people. I haven't ever really stopped mourning 00s-era Livejournal, after all. But at the end of the day, it's an app. I have seen so many of those come and go over the years. I was there for Geocities, Myspace, Livejournal, and Vine. And it feels like people care more for an app than they ever cared for civil rights, safe schools, or the safety and rights of immigrants, PoC and LGBTIQ people, or even Palestinian lives. And now those people think of Trump as their savior. But let's see what they think of him a year from now.

All sorts of things are starting to come out about the executive orders about day one roundups of immigrants and an executive order essentially denying the existence of Transpeople. But hey, people can access TikTok again!

As for me: for the most part I'm going back to Web 1.0 and Mastodon, like I threatened to do weeks ago.

It boils down to this: stuff like this will inevitably occur with any "Web 2.0" social media platform, or any site or app that is not owned and operated and controlled by its userbase. Don't like it? Then seize the means of production.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
I was worried this was coming when I heard the recent news about his emphysema.

It really does feel like the Universe is snuffing out all of its lights.

But at least he gets to go hang out with Jack Nance, Miguel Ferrer, Peggy Lipton, and Catherine Coulson again. Julee Cruise and Angelo Badalamenti are probably onstage serenading them.

He's just gone back to Missoula, Montana.

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numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
I haven't used Instagram in years, except to keep up with a couple of DIY/Home Improvement bloggers who had mostly stopped posting on their blogs and started posting on Instagram around 2019 or so. It'll be the easiest to quit.

I quit Threads shortly after I signed up, seeing as how it mostly seemed to be liberals and leftists engaged in the same kind of toxic circular firing squad that had mostly overtaken Tumblr by 2012, and Twitter by the time that the apartheid hyperloop dipshit bought it in 2022. Sadly, this also seems to be the case on Bluesky, after a month or so of people just being glad to be off Xitter. Gee, it's so nice to know that we all hate each other more than we could ever hate the actual fucking Fascists. What the fuck. Guys, this is why the Fascists win.

I'm going to treat quitting Failbook the same way I quit Livejournal: put up a post asking for people who want to stay in contact to message me with their contact info, and put it down in a spreadsheet. Or maybe start keeping a pen and paper address book again.

I am ALSO going to plug Dreamwidth. Because it would be great seeing people migrate back to this kind of platform again.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
I was not.

I am waffling between horror and "we really can't have anything nice at all, can we? Like the Universe really is taking away anything that made life bearable."

I know that's a shit way to feel, because I read the fucking article. There are so many women who have it worse than "oh I can't read an artist I used to like anymore." But still.

I was already a young adult when the Buffy The Vampire Slayer series began, and Harry Potter started showing up in bookstores here in the US. I was disappointed that both creators turned out to be unfortunate shitweasels. But Sandman was crucial to the development of my worldview as a teen. Probably as much as Elric was. (And I'm still thankful that the absolute worst I have ever heard about Michael Moorcock is that he used to be a raging drunk, and that he used to do speed in order to keep up with deadlines. Please, please let that actually *be* the worst of it.)

AFP doesn't look much better. 14 women came forward to her? And she didn't go to the cops? She didn't bail? She still wanted him in their son's life?

I read American Gods for the first time in 2003, but it was one of the first books I picked back up at the start of the pandemic, when I started trying to read again after a long patch (several years) of struggling to read anything longer than a short story that wasn't written by George R.R. Martin or Tad Williams. I had literally just re-read the short story about Shadow being hired to fight Grendel when the allegations started dropping. It helped to break a period of writer's block I'd been having.

I am not ok. After a shit last few months, this is a breaking point. This is the Universe going "fuck you, you really don't get to have any refuge at all, and it's about to get so much worse."

And my brain is like "weren't we just all watching group livestreams of Sandman and having fun a year or so ago?" Just fuck this, fuck this, I hate this timeline.
numb3r_5ev3n: Nu Smith Style (Bespoke Shades)
1. I went ahead and locked all my posts from before 2016. I was going back down memory lane through my archives a few nights ago. And realized that I was a completely different person back then, and my attitudes about a lot of things have evolved since then. There has been a lot of "who is this person, I don't really recognize this person that I used to be." But I don't want to delete it.

I remember the people back in the day who would relocate and recreate their LJ almost every year ("new journal, new me!") That never made sense to me, but when you have literally 20 years of blog posts (omfg) it makes sense that maybe I'm not the same person anymore, and stuff from over a decade ago doesn't reflect me now.

2. I used to just blog about anything and everything that came into my head, and I really don't feel comfortable doing that anymore. Maybe to the opposite extreme that I used to. Like, "my head is a super uncomfortable place to be, and I don't feel like I should be inflicting that on other people."

3. I was lamenting the passage of Web 1.0 and inferring that maybe this Facebook thing wasn't all it was cracked up to be as far back as 2009, lol.

4. For a few years, I was subscribed to a service that posted my tweets directly to my LJ, as if that was the same thing as blogging. A bunch of context-free lines of text and links that went dead before long. Actually, I should probably go back and delete those.

I wish I could go back to 2009 and tell people that Facebook and Twitter would literally help to bring about the downfall of society. Because, what is this shit? What in the actual fuck? )

It occurred to me the other day that once praxis of internet use switched from being about networking in relative anonymity to being about "influencing" and "engagement" and "exposure," things really started to go off the rails. But somehow, platforms that have kept to the way things used to be seem to have more actual influence on culture. I mean, here's Elon Musk I mean, Adrian Dittman (or someone professing to be him) sucking up to excuse me, "keking" up to his "frens" on 4chan. Cringe.

Also: wow, the total capitulation of the mainstream media outlets to fascism sure is depressing, isn't it?

Nobody should be shocked. The idea that the NYT or Wapo or CNN were ever anti-Trump was a kayfabe. They were desperate to have him back, because he's good for their bottom line, and that's all they care about.

Welcome to the darkest timeline.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
I've been going over posts from 20+ years ago and wondering where my ability to actually express my feelings other than ranting about current events went.

Anyway, here's some ranting about current events, but not from me:


As I commented on the above video (culled from skeets I made over on Bluesky,)
I feel like the internet took a very sharp wrong turn in 2008. Back then, the main platforms were Myspace and Livejournal, and Livejournal was losing its userbase due to the Strikethrough/Boldthrough debacles, and the sale to FSB front company SUP. They were all mostly going to Tumblr and Facebook. I've started using Bluesky since the election, but I feel like literally all of our problems started to get worse when we stopped taking an active role in creating the internet and allowed Big Tech companies to do it for us. We were a lot better off when the internet was a bunch of personal websites, blogs, and forums.

Anyway, here we are.

I hope everyone has been having a good holiday season. I have been working a heckton of overtime lately. But I had a decent, low-key Winter Solstice/Christmas/Yule. I visited family, got a lot of books, a travel cup, and some peach-apricot jam. I made two quiches, some biscuits, and a Lasagna Au Tuesday for different get-togethers. I went to the flagship Half Price Bookstore in Dallas to get more books, and discovered that they have a new, awesome coffee shop after the old coffee shop closed!

I went to an arcade with some friends last night, and beat King Of Dragons as the Elf in about an hour.

I've been hyperfocusing on Dungeons & Dragons over the past month. I dug up the remains of the TSR "Black Box," aka "The New Easy To Master Dungeons & Dragons Game" set that my sister and I got for Christmas in 1992, which was our first step into a wondrous new world. I checked out the new rules for 5th edition. I might even be able to play soon! We'll see.
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
A lot has happened since the last time I posted.

My mom went into the hospital for a routine knee surgery and ended up having to stay an extra day because the anesthesia caused her blood pressure to fluctuate in a worrying fashion. She is out now, and stuck at home, bored out of her mind. But anyway - while I was doomscrolling Bluesky in the hospital waiting room, a guy shot the CEO of United Healthcare.

Right away, this act was very divisive. Half of the people were cheering on the shooter, and the other half were scolding the people for cheering on the shooter. My mom, when she came to and heard about it, was like "if they catch him, they won't be able to find a jury who will convict him." MY MOM.

People were already coming up with names like The Claims Adjuster and Robin Hoodie.

There were also skeets (like tweets, but on Bluesky! Yes, I am aware of the other definition of skeet, that's why it's funny!) like "Maybe we shouldn't be posting the photo of the (admittedly hot) shooter. You know, because of reasons."

My take on it was the usual image of Bugs Bunny in a tuxedo, with the caption "I wish all of my well-intentioned and hilarious mutuals a very pleasant not getting a visit from 'The Feds'"(tm). Boy howdy, that meme did a lot of heavy the lifting that day. (Also - if shooting someone is bad, so is denying someone healthcare that would save their life.)

Then we learned that the person they have apprehended for the shooting has a lot of right wing beliefs. He sounds like a guy who got, (forgive me, Lana and Lilly) "Redpilled" by the right wing internet, before then having a personal medical crisis (a back injury from a surfing expedition) that allegedly led him to do what he did. Allegedly.

Just a few days before that, I'd been in a Skeet Thread discussing empathy and how it forms, and my theory that we aren't actually born with empathy, especially empathy for people outside of our own "in group." It's a learned skill. It's actually something that takes time to develop. Some people never do develop it. Some people disagreed with this, and I understand why they do.

I feel like this is relevant to what I'm want to talk about next. Which is this article, about why Trump won the 2024 election.

I used to just up and post the entire texts of whole articles to blog entries here. Because even back in the 2000s, articles just would up and disappear all the time. And I'm not even sure that anyone is going to read it. So I'll just sum it up here: Americans aren't turning to Fascism because of hardship. The ones turning to Fascism are actually statistically doing better than a lot of us. (This is actually backed up by exit polling from the 2016 election.)

In essence: this isn't a revolt being waged by people for cheaper groceries. This is a war being declared on the rest of us by people who used to be able to shop at Whole Foods - but they're mad that Whole Foods raised their prices so now they have to shop at a working-class coded supermarket like Wal Mart. They're mad as hell that inflation has effectively knocked them down a rung on the Class Ladder, and they're not going to take it anymore. Add to this the study that visible signs of poverty makes people feel unsafe (instead of, you know, feeling like they should do something about it other than punishing poor people for being poor.)

I grew up hearing that people in 1930s Germany started listening to Hitler only after they started to need whole wheelbarrows of cash to buy a single loaf of bread. All it took here in America in the Year Of Our Lord 2024 was for the price of eggs to go up a few bucks, apparently.

It all comes down to the fact that America is still doing better than everyone else in the world: but it's not good enough if upper-class people can't feel that they are safely, sneeringly above the working class. John And Jane Q Upper Middle Class are more likely to be MAGA than say, the barista at their local Starbucks who has to share an apartment with four other people. The Upper Middle Class (people making just under six figures to just above) were statistically the ones storming the Capital on January 6th, 2021. But we're told that Trump won the election last month because Democrats "are out of touch with the working class."

Actually, since the early 2010s, the Online Discourse has been that a socialist utopia is striving to be born in this country, and we could already have Automated Luxury Space Communism by now if the shitlib Dems would just get out of its way. And if they don't, maybe they deserve to be first up against the wall even before the Fascists when it does finally happen. But mainly that the Rise Of Fascism is mostly the fault of Stupid Liberals who enable Fascism by not being Lefty enough, rather than it being the fault of the actual fucking Fascists who keep trying to vote for and support the rise of Fascism.

But what if that doesn't actually reflect what is really going on in reality, and this narrative does? What if Mainstream America has actually rejected Automated Luxury Space Communism because the thought of a truly just, equitable society - one in which the class hierarchy has been effectively abolished and everyone has what they need - outrages, terrifies, and disgusts them?

There is evidence which shows that Trumpers do want some socialized perks - but only if these perks are handed to them by an authoritarian strongman leader, preferably in a right wing religious context (i.e. a "Jubilee.") And only if they are assured that these perks will be denied to the people they hate, the people they consider to be beneath them. And only if they can gladly watch those people suffer. Otherwise, they are willing to suffer and die themselves if it means that the people they feel are "undeserving" are suffering even more than they are. There is very much a vibe of them wanting to try and starve the "undesirables" out - with them maybe not realizing that this is probably exactly how people like Elon Musk and Peter Thiel would like to deal with them.

Otherwise, you know the old saw, often attributed to John Steinbeck: Americans haven't embraced socialism because they don't see themselves as an oppressed proletariat, but as a nation of temporarily embarrassed millionaires.

I supported Bernie Sanders in 2016, and donated to his campaign, and tried to convince everyone I knew to give him a chance. I pleaded and argued with people who told me "I'll never vote for a Socialist. My Grandparents fled Communism in the USSR/Latin America." I begged them to ignore their family's lived experience and vote for a Democratic Socialist here in the USA. Because we do need Universal Healthcare. Every other "First World" country in the world, along with many others that we would not consider "First World," has Universal Healthcare. And the need for affordable, accessible healthcare is the common denominator amongst all rungs of the social ladder underneath the Billionaire Class (as we are seeing right now, in the wake of the shooting of the United Healthcare CEO.)

(Personally, I would also like to see a form of UBI. The stimulus during the Pandemic showed us that it's possible. I just don't think a lot of Americans are going to go for it, for the exact reasons I have already stated, and will continue to expound upon.)

But the article is right about one thing in particular: if we couldn't get a Democratic Socialist elected on easy mode, what makes people think we can do it on nightmare mode? How do we tell Leftists that the problem isn't "shitlibs," it's that the majority of people in this country don't seem to want the vision of the future that we're trying to sell them? At least, not the way that we've been presenting it to them so far?

Aside from that - I've always hated the idea of social hierarchies. I've always hated the idea of designating a whole group of people as "no better off than they should be" and turning them into a punching bag.

Maybe because I'm Queer and on the Spectrum. Maybe it's because I grew up in a single-mom broken home in the Bible Belt during the conservative 80s. Social hierarchies just seem dumb, arbitrary and impractical to me. I spent the formative years of my life not only not fitting in to the ones I found myself in, but finding myself incapable of doing so; which always sent me straight to the bottom of all of them.

What I found out later was that a lot of my fellow social rejects started forming hierarchies themselves, with the people who'd rejected them (hot girls, the popular kids) at the bottom. Which seemed just as dumb, even if I could understand it. They were hating on people for having been hated on themselves. This is primarily the hate that spawned Gamergate and the media culture wars. ("Oh, girls rejected me for liking video games/Dungeons&Dragons/Sci Fi and Fantasy Fiction/Magic The Gathering, and now they want to like these things themselves? We'll see about that! Anyone who isn't one of us who gets any kind of representation in any of these forms of media is stealing something from us!" When no, they rejected us for making those things our whole personality. But anyway.)

I'm reminded me of something else I read recently, about how upper class Conservatives in the 40s were upset about the New Deal because they believed the increased security would give working class people ideas above their station. Then 25 years later we had the Civil Rights movement, antiwar movement, and the women's liberation movement. Suddenly the social hierarchy was threatened, and the upper class panicked.

Ronald Reagan was their solution. Reagan punished the working class and put them "back in their place," as a desperate and struggling underclass - but they loved him for it. And they loved him for it for the same reason MAGA loves Trump: because he promised them that he would restore the social hierarchy, and that there would be people beneath them in it that they could safely despise, bully and mistreat.

Maybe this is the real cancer that is eating away at the heart of America. Like the meme says: To John and Jane Q Trump Voter, Fascism doesn't look like jackboots and barbed wire. It looks like safety, tradition, and upholding their beloved hierarchy. And this may be the real reason we will never have Fully Automated Luxury Space Communism. A lot of people are going to have to fix their hearts before that is even a distant ghost of a possibility.

The shooting of the United CEO might have provided a brief flashpoint of cross-class solidarity. But this is what America is, and what America always has been. And maybe the best that we who are stuck on the bottom rungs of the social hierarchy can do is practice mutual aid amongst ourselves so that we can survive it. And to resist the American Mind Virus - that compulsive and pathological desire to punch down - ourselves.
numb3r_5ev3n: Nu Smith Style (Bespoke Shades)
EDIT: This post has sort of mutated since I posted it last night, as my emotions keep going back and forth ("We're gonna fight Trump every step of the way" to "fuck it let everything burn" and back again.)

I didn't want to have to write this post, but here goes.

Since the election on Tuesday, a short story by William Gibson, aka "The father of Cyberpunk," has been popping into my head. That story is called "Fragments Of A Hologram Rose."

This story, witten around 1980, is about a future American society on the brink of economic collapse, and the immediate aftermath of that collapse when it happens. Some of the details are different than the actual future we are now living in: in 1980, it was expected that the USSR would still be around in about 100 years or so (and maybe they were prescient: since Vladimir Putin is basically getting everything else he wanted, he might as well get that too!) And Japan was also expected to still be an economic and technological powerhouse well into the future, to the point of eclipsing America (it seems no one expected the early 1990s crash that they still have not completely recovered from.)

But aside from all that: the story is about a young man who has escapes his indentured internship from a megacorporation as society collapses and descends into chaos and food riots, and what becomes of him afterwards. It's a story of how the world people knew in the early 1980s gradually develops into the Cyberpunk setting of Neuromancer and Gibson's other stories, through this character's eyes.

But, as with a lot of William Gibson's stories, it may soon reflect reality more than we'd like.

Face it, you know the meme: Baby Boomers were promised interstellar travel and flying cars. Gen X was promised a cyberpunk dystopia, and it looks like this is the future that is panning out.

But I think just the phrase "Fragments Of A Hologram Rose" is an apt metaphor. The shattered, decaying remnants of a beautiful illusion. Right now, that sounds like America to me.

I'm seeing posts like "I'm not going to let MAGA snuff out my light!" and I'm like, cool. But I'm tired of "Hopepunk." To continue with the William Gibson references: instead, I want to channel the rage of Molly Millions dueling with the corporate ninja on the Killing Floor. (From Johnny Mnemonic. The short story, not the film that was inspired by it.) Or giving Riviera a hot dose (in Neuromancer.)

A refrain I have heard a lot since Tuesday is, "MAGA just won. Why are they so mad?" And my response has been: because someone probably just explained to them how tariffs work for the first time in their lives. But also, because they expected us to still be shocked and despairing to the point of surrender. They didn't expect our defiance and rage. They didn't expect people angrily exclaiming "no, you stupid shit, he wasn't just bullshitting- he said he's going to do that stuff, and he meant it. No, this is how tariffs work."

The hangover is already setting in for some of them. There are reports trickling in of people who are already losing their jobs and having their bonuses cut because of the tariffs they just voted for. Some of them are starting to realize that cheaper groceries may not be in the cards after all, and they just played themselves.

The thing is: once Trumpers realize that Trump's policies are not just going to affect the people they hate - once they realize how badly they screwed themselves - they are going to first beg for, and then demand, our understanding, help and compassion. They'll demand our sympathy, after years of openly fantasizing about murdering everyone they don't agree with. They do not deserve it. But if by acting to resist Trump and protect ourselves, we prevent some of the hurting that these people have gone out their way to inflict on themselves, then I'm ok with that.

But I don't think the incels who are going around telling women "your body, my choice" realize that their only true source of relief, pornography, is about to be criminalized. I'm sure they've bought into the idea that once no fault divorce is gone, they'll be able to compel a woman to be with them - as if that is going to fill the empty, shrieking abyss of self-inflicted loneliness and existential despair in their hearts.

Remember Gamergate? The movement of angry adult-aged little boys with mommy issues, who freaked out about Evil Feminists like we were going to personally come to their homes and take their video games away, just because a woman in a plaid shirt and large hoop earrings talked about a lack of equal representation for women in gaming? The ones who were instrumental in Trump gaining momentum with young men in 2016? I wonder how they are going to take it when violent video games, the laziest scapegoat for the school shooting epidemic, are banned under Project 2025. And that's if they can even afford to update to the latest video hardware and/or next generation consoles after the tariffs kick in. Haha, oops.

(Meanwhile: even if we never see a release of Elder Scrolls 6 at this point, my rig will be able to run Skyrim, Morrowind, and Daggerfall Unity indefinitely. My collection of ancient Bethesda games are smiling at me, Simperials. Can you say the same?)

Trumpers don't seem swayed by the number of women who have died since Roe vs Wade was repealed: but then, we also know from school shootings and the pandemic that mass death isn't real to them (unless it's the "mass death" of clusters of cells that haven't become a human being yet.) The actual human cost isn't real to them, unless it somehow affects them personally. Only then does it become a tragedy.

Immigrants have been the backbone of food production and construction in this country for decades. What happens when they're forced out? One thing I hear a lot is, "once all the illegals are deported, Americans will take those jobs again." Hahaha. Ahahahahhahaha. Do they really think Americans who have been indoctrinated to see those jobs as "demeaning" will "lower themselves" to perform manual labor for cents on the dollar? Immigrant workers shouldn't have even had to do it under the conditions and for the pay they were doing it for. They deserve living wages and benefits, whether or not they were born in this country or came here legally.

But this may be exactly how people like Elon Musk and Peter Thiel have envisioned it: deport everyone currently working those jobs, then starve everyone else to the point that they'll accept serfdom and feel gratitude for it.

I don't think people are ready to "embrace the pain" as Elon Musk is telling them they're going to have to do. But the pain is coming. And when it does: well, if schadenfreude is going to be the one pleasure we are afforded, it is one in which I will partake. And remember, above all: they wanted this. They voted for it. As we will be reminding them, over and over and over again.

"I didn't think the leopard would eat *my* face!"

Shortly before the election, I re-watched 1977 Ralph Bakshi film Wizards. It's a movie I grew up with. I suspect it was how I got "Elfpilled" (though Tolkien has an equal share of the blame for that.) And once you get past the framing device (nazi mutants vs cartoonish hippie/barbarian Fairies and Elves, and a comic, cigar-chomping Wizard) and the underlying message, "science and technology are inherently bad and always lead to war and oppression," (which is representative of the anti-nuke cold-war era hippie mindset that permeates and informs the movie) it does seem eerily prescient. A parable about the ways that propaganda can embolden and enable fascism and destroy democracy.

How can we "smash the projector" when it's a screen in everyone's pockets?

My first action after the election was called for Trump was to delete Reddit. We were manipulated into thinking Kamala Harris had the election in the bag, by a media that was desperately trying to milk as much engagement and clicks and revenue as possible by socially engineering a fake horse race narrative. This same media has been breathlessly anticipating Trump's return to power since 2020; because anxious, scared people stay glued to their screens, and that "engagement" makes them money.

EDIT: I've sort of changed my mind about "Echo Chambers." Especially since Alexandria Ocacio-Cortez made the point that an echo chamber basically won the 2024 election, and she's right.

But it seems clear at this point that Elon Musk's goal of buying Twitter was to do exactly what he did: in the words of Catherynne Valente, to take the world's biggest microphone, set it to reverb, and shove it up his own ass. To shut down communication and organization on the left, and to spread disinfo and radicalize everyone else.

The best time to delete Twitter was in November 2022, and the second best time is now.

For a while now, I've been evangelizing a return to Web 1.0. Personal websites, webrings, PHP forums, IRC. Platforms that bots, Russian trollfarms, MAGA, and Alt Right simps aren't looking for, are not tracking, and may not even be aware of because for a lot of them, it was from before their time. That, or Mastodon.

People used to bemoan the fact that Google doesn't categorize Dreamwidth pages. Now this could be to our advantage.

Other than that: wake the fuck up, samurai. Once again, we have a Democracy to defend.

Let's see what people think when they start getting exactly what they voted for. It just sucks that the rest of us are going to get it, too. They might be screaming "this isn't what I voted for!" before long, after what they very much did vote for starts happening to them. But for the ones who literally did not vote for this, things are really going to suck for a long time. We're going to have to resist what and where we can, and we're going to have to show up for each other and be there for each other.

current mood:

On Sewing.

Oct. 13th, 2024 09:33 am
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
When I got started sewing, other than repairing toys and sewing buttons back on (something I learned to do fairly early) it was to make costumes.

My first attempts were rather crude, like using a blanket stitch (the second stitch I ever learned after a running stitch) to sew a hemline. We did not have a sewing machine. My grandparents had a Singer model from the 1920s that I was allowed to use only once, to make the dress for the doll that I made for my baby cousin.

I still made attempts. After seeing Sarah's dress from the ballgown scene in Labyrinth, I stared at the prom gown patterns at the local craft store, and imagined being able to make something like it.

I attempted Real Sewing in Home Economics class when I was 13. It was a boardshorts pattern. The pattern was too complicated for a bunch of 7th graders (one student infamously somehow "accidentally" made his into "Hammer pants" by accident, and wore them.) It was exactly the wrong kind of pattern to get a bunch of tweens interested in sewing. And I bought exactly the wrong type of fabric (gauzy shirt-weight in a Hawaiian print.) It ended up not being finished.

Then, when I was 15, I went to my first Renaissance Festival: Scarborough Faire. I was agog and rather envious at all of the costumes I saw. I immediately went home, acquired the worst black acetate fabric I could find (we had it on hand for another project for Theatre Camp that it never got used for) and made a tabard with a rampant deer on it in blue knit fabric (using fusible interfacing) and hood and mantle of the same blue knit fabric. I hand stitched all of it, and not very well. I was too impatient (ADHD) at that time to be very good at hand sewing. But I wore it the next time we went to Scarborough.

Then, when I was 16, I ended up in the Teen Otherkin Coven I've written about in other posts as a Junior in High School, and (soon to be ex) Best Friend's mom had a table sewing machine. And it was off to the races.

We spent weekends hammering out our variations on the so-called "SCA Special." And we wore our finished products to school on Fridays. Picture two 16-year old gothlings passing each other in the hallway at your typical high school, all decked out in their renfaire best, bellowing "JOHN SMALLBERRIES!" like it was a password, because we were in the habit of leaving The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai: Across The Eighth Dimension on as background noise while we worked.

I finally pulled my attempted boardshorts back out and finished them. But they were still the wrong fabric, and it pilled up immediately in the crotch the moment I tried to wear them. But then I used the the pattern to make a pair out of chambray, that I wore for years.

I got a job at the craft store, which I promptly lost because I was an untreated ADHD nitwit who couldn't stay on task. After a year of making a lot of my own clothes, I kind of lost interest as my mental health spiralled. The hobby became something I would take back out every so often as my mental health improved, or I would get flashes of inspiration or the sudden realization of how to fix a project that had stalled. I got really good at reverse-engineering things I saw in films (like Anakin's outfit in Revenge Of The Sith.)

Fast forward to last year. A lot of my garb, like the gray cloak I made when I was 16, ended up in a storage unit that eventually flooded. I'm slowly replacing it, bit by bit. I want to start making some more regular daywear as well. It's just an expensive hobby to get into the way things are now.

EDIT: But there was a point to this when I originally posted it, and the ADHD happened and I forgot. And it was this: When I dived into sewing as a hobby for real when I was 16, it was when I had weekly access to a really awesome machine. And working on a recent project caused me to realize that this, more than anything, probably encouraged me to dive in and just see what I could make. It didn't have a lot of the problems that cheaper machines had, and could do more functions. I didn't have the worry that I would develop later, that something might go south while I was working on a project and it would be botched or ruined.

I've used a series of machines over the years, each with their own issues. And one thing I've realized is: the boomer-aged people I knew in the 80s had the cash to drop on really good machines. and that can make a big difference. But more than anything, I need to get over my trepidation and just dive back in.

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numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
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