numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
Everything sucks, so I'm rewatching Twin Peaks.

I feel obligated to report whenever I have a dream about The Matrix. Well, I had a dream last night. After getting impaled in Matrix Revolutions (lol spoilers) Trinity is in Juno's office from Beetlejuice and asks her "what happens next?"

I think Juno's response was "well that depends."

I don't remember what happened after that, except that obviously (also spoilers) Trinity went back. So anyway.

I think my favorite Matrix dream is still the one where Trinity goes to rescue Neo after he gets grabbed the first time. She goes in expecting to fight an Agent, expecting to be killed, and Smith is like "thank god, take me with you."

This got me thinking about the overall plot of the sequels in relation to the first film, and got me wondering if, in the timeline of the five previous iterations, getting the Zion mainframe access codes was important in the run-up to attacking Zion and perpetuating the cycle, or if Cypher (or his equivalent) being thwarted always happens.

LOL I am probably overthinking this a lot.

Switching gears, I feel like an unintended consequence of my posting falling off over the last ten years is that I haven't addressed a lot of the activism-related stuff I should have kept more towards the forefront. I have mentioned the ongoing genocide in Gaza a few times and my opinions on it, but not networking about what the average person can do to actually, you know, do anything to help. Mostly I've donated to Doctors Without Borders and World Central Kitchen. I signal boost mutual aid requests whenever they come across my feed over on bluesky, but that doesn't translate to stuff that ends up over here.

Meanwhile, Teen Vogue posted this list of resources for Trans teens.

Back during the early 2000s, I was able to keep up with the news pretty well and update my website and blog on my Livejournal pretty much every time there was a development. But things move so quickly now that things frequently feel overwhelming. It's easy to lose sight of what should take priority. Individual sounds can get lost in the din. And I think maybe that for a lot of the bad actors on the world's stage right now, this is the plan.

All of the anti-fash fiction I grew up on, like Elric and Marshall Law, etc, talked about the "obsessive order" of fascism. And I'm like, have you seen fascism? It's chaotic as fuck. It can't even decide what it believes from one moment to the next, because it really has no fixed ideology outside of grabbing and maintaining power. It's not really about order at all.

Walter Sobchak was wrong: National Socialism is not, in fact an Ethos. It's just about power. Other than that, it is actually just nihilism.

The displacement and/or murder of innocent people, whether it's by the dozens, the hundreds, the thousands, or the millions, is really just a flex - a salve for people with weak, wounded, empty egos. And fanning the fires of hatred is just a means to an end; a way to get other weak people to go along with it. An illusion of strength, that an actually strong-minded person will see right through in an instant.

When I was 21, I had this epiphany one night that only inherently weak people seek power, because truly strong, secure, confident people don't see the need. Power is something a person seeks when they are spiritually, intellectually, personally weak; to make up for a perceived deficit that they feel inside.

But power is something that you have. Meaning that, like the man said in Andor, it has to be maintained, constantly. It can be bungled, or lost, or taken away. Being strong is what you are, and no one else can really take it away from you.

And the authoritarians and fascists - the weak people - will never really have that. They could be, say, the richest, most powerful man in the world, and still be a weakling inside. And only weak people seek power, rather than developing strength: because they can't tell the difference. They've never known or experienced it themselves.

Power is what a weak person thinks strength is.

Who goes Nazi? Harper Magazine asked, and answered that question back in 1941. "Kind, good, happy, gentlemanly, secure people never go Nazi. They may be the gentle philosopher whose name is in the Blue Book, or Bill from City College to whom democracy gave a chance to design airplanes—you’ll never make Nazis out of them. But the frustrated and humiliated intellectual, the rich and scared speculator, the spoiled son, the labor tyrant, the fellow who has achieved success by smelling out the wind of success—they would all go Nazi in a crisis."

Current Mood.

This week.

Oct. 6th, 2024 07:27 pm
numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
I went to a Goth Show! I saw Sisters Of Mercy and Blaqk Audio! I got a cool pic of the Dallas Skyline!

Images cut for HUEG. )

I also got Not Covid! At least I'm not testing positive. So far. This feels like a run of the mill allergy-related sinus infection, one I hope I can kick before going to the Texas Renaissance Festival in a few weeks.
numb3r_5ev3n: Punk Bot. Punk Bot. Punk Bot. (Punk Bot. Punk Bot. Punk Bot.)

First off: someone left an end table out by the dumpster, so it’s mine now. It was missing all but one of the rubber bumpers designed to hold the glass pane on the table, but a pack of twelve of those are like 3 bucks at Wal Mart? Woo end table for the price of three dollars.

Second, I got my physical for this year, but they ran into my anemia being an issue with the blood test again. A lot of times, they’ll try to take my blood and it will just…not. It just stops. I went back a different day after drinking a ton of water and it was fine.

Also, the nurse practitioner thought I had a heart murmur, but nope it’s yet another compilation from the anemia. Good times!

The doctor wants me to get weight loss surgery sometime after the hysterectomy, which is still theoretically supposed to happen sometime soon. Most likely after I get my tax return. He referred me to a bariatric surgeon and everything. The thing is, 1. I have heard a lot of stuff about how these things can go wrong in the long run, 2. I’m not sure that it’s not just being recommended out of cultural fatophobia 3. Most of the issues that kept me from exercising regularly will be resolved after I recover from the hysterectomy. After that, I plan to get ripped again. I miss being ripped. I scared off one potential partner in 2002 because he was apparently freaked out about how jacked I was? And frankly those are the kind of suitors that I want to scare off.

Current Mood:

Mirrored from Cyber Arcadia.

numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
 So, Burning Flipside is less than three weeks away. And because I can't get all the time off that I would normally get, the usual phenomenon of "procrastinating about packing because of work, and then throwing everything that's left into a plastic bag the morning of, and leaving around noon on Thursday" is not an option. I will be leaving *from* work Friday afternoon, and hopefully getting to the event before the gate closes at midnight - which is totally doable provided I can get my ass to Mars out of DFW, specifically through DFW traffic, in less than an hour and a half. 

And this means all my gear, my boots, my spare boots, and my backup spare boots have to be ready to roll when I roll out of the parking lot shortly after 5PM on Friday the 26th, three weeks from now.

So, most of the Burner community that I interact with is in a serious state of schadenfreude about Fyre Fest. I mean, with my income, $105.00 for a Flipside ticket can technically be considered an extravagance. These folks shelled out anywhere from 5000-12,000. And ended up being served ham sandwiches and housed in FEMA tents. The urge to point and laugh is strong (one tweet: "SPOILED RICH KID: "Poor people need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps!" RICH KID AT FYRE FEST: "MY SANDWICH IS BAD! SEND EVERYONE!")

As someone said in another article, the true hallmark of privilege is still having a future after something this fucked up happens to you. But at the same time, I kind of feel terrible for joining in all of the schadenfreude? I seriously hope no one has actually come to harm because of all of these shenanigans? Because I know what it's like for an event to seriously go south, even though I and the people I was camping with got out of Flipside 2015 right before the flash flood hit that turned the event into three separate islands, stranding people for up to a week and eventually necessitating that people be airlifted off of the land?

And in the meantime, I'm thinking, "How much do you think Ja Rule and Billy McFarland are willing to part with some of those surplus FEMA tents for? I'm asking for a friend." 


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numb3r_5ev3n: Dragon pendant I got at a renfaire. (Default)
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