I'm having a problem.

[numb3r_5ev3n]

So, since about last summer, interacting here has been triggering my social anxiety and I don't know why. I can't think of any particular reason. I'm trying to get around it. It's annoying because I need to break away from Facebook and I need to be able to talk with my friends.

Also my psychiatrist upped my Cymbalta to the maximum dose, and woah. It's sort of a lot. I have been overmedicated before, and asdfjkl;. I don't know if I should ask to cut back or give myself more time to adjust.

Speaking of which:

So I just binge watched all of Hannibal in about a week. And I'm waffling between "IT REALLY IS THE SHIP THAT SAILED ITSELF :D" (as the Fannibals like to say) and "Woah this is a depiction of a toxic gaslighty co dependent relationship if ever there was one and I'm not sure that the Tumblr Youth should be fanficcing about this with heart eyes." But there are two problems with this: A. I am tempted to fanfic about it with heart eyes (to the tune of "what would a Trans-positive version of Silence Of The Lambs look like?") and 2. LET PEOPLE LIKE THINGS.

Current Mood:

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

So, since about last summer, interacting here has been triggering my social anxiety and I don't know why. I can't think of any particular reason.

Maybe because it's a LJ-clone and you met Certain People Who Ruined Shit on LJ?

[numb3r_5ev3n]

It's more like, and this is my best attempt to explain it, that I shared a whole lot of really sensitive internal stuff over the past year and a half or so after nearly a decade of not doing that, and it made me feel extremely self conscious.

[worlds_of_smoke]

that would do it too. I keep wanting to reboot this journal because there's way too much information about my past and I want a new start. No way I'll get rid of the name, though. And I wanted to write about my experience with my first EMDR appointment and I'm just... not really able to do it. And we didn't do anything but set-up for the actual EMDR!

(The fact that there are a lot of old and gone friends and it hurts my heart to see those people on my friend's list is a huge factor too. I absolutely know that one of them is dead, seeing as she had metastatic cancer and had chosen to decline treatment and that was years ago. Since denise has said she'll never allow a GreatestJournal-style function where you can remove people's access/subscriptions to your account to be implemented when I asked after the Evil Ex broke up with me and seeing all of their 15,000 accounts on my access/subscription list kept re-triggering me, it's the only way I can find closure, y'know?)

[numb3r_5ev3n]

That's totally understandable.