On self care.
Over the past 10-15 years or so in my time on the internets, I've encountered some buzzphrases that set my teeth on edge. ~Wellness~ and ~Mindfulness~ are some. Both, to me, smack of snake oil capitalists like Gwenyth Paltrow for one trying to sell a lifestyle and an image that is unattainable for many in a society where people struggle to afford actual healthcare. I see it as another facet of positivity culture, which I feel is toxic because 1. it encourages magical thinking instead of actual problem solving or coping mechanisms (especially for clinical or medical issues which don't simply go away with a change of attitude, or issues which stem from social injustice or economic inequality) and 2. it blames the victim when the magical thinking doesn't work ("you just don't have enough faith/aren't being positive enough!")
Lately I've been hearing people use a phrase "be gentle with yourself." And while on the surface it seems benign and benevolent, the more I think about it, the more it encompasses a type of behavior that I have also encountered a lot, and which I was trying to counter in myself.
It's so easy for "be gentle with yourself" to become "avoid anything that challenges you or upsets you or takes you out of your comfort zone." This could be a chore, a confrontation which needs to happen, an obstacle, an unpleasant truth.
Because I realized that I was doing that, and it was kind of wrecking my life. Then I overcorrected, and I took a risk that I shouldn't have taken. It's ok. I'm dealing with it.
But this reminded me of a phenomenon I used to see a lot on tumblr, where someone would commiserate about a situation. Someone else would offer well-meaning advice that involved maybe trying to deal with unpleasant stuff. Other people would barge in and start hectoring that person, accusing them of ableism. I saw this happen over and over and over again.
Here's the thing though - I'm not even talking about things that require physical effort, for the most part. There were some times that I avoided situations and confrontations that I really regret now, which represent missed opportunities that I'll never get back. We're supposed to grow as people. We're problem solvers by nature. It's really hard for some people, including me. But we're supposed to level up.
I see articles all the time; people are gaslit by capitalists about what they're supposed to be achieving. People are broke and exhausted and depressed. Everyone is the walking wounded. It sucks. I know all about spoon theory - but then I deduced some of the things that were specifically causing me to "lose spoons," and took steps to correct it. I know it isn't that simple for everyone. But we owe it to ourselves to try. To take risks. To be brave.
Lately I've been hearing people use a phrase "be gentle with yourself." And while on the surface it seems benign and benevolent, the more I think about it, the more it encompasses a type of behavior that I have also encountered a lot, and which I was trying to counter in myself.
It's so easy for "be gentle with yourself" to become "avoid anything that challenges you or upsets you or takes you out of your comfort zone." This could be a chore, a confrontation which needs to happen, an obstacle, an unpleasant truth.
Because I realized that I was doing that, and it was kind of wrecking my life. Then I overcorrected, and I took a risk that I shouldn't have taken. It's ok. I'm dealing with it.
But this reminded me of a phenomenon I used to see a lot on tumblr, where someone would commiserate about a situation. Someone else would offer well-meaning advice that involved maybe trying to deal with unpleasant stuff. Other people would barge in and start hectoring that person, accusing them of ableism. I saw this happen over and over and over again.
Here's the thing though - I'm not even talking about things that require physical effort, for the most part. There were some times that I avoided situations and confrontations that I really regret now, which represent missed opportunities that I'll never get back. We're supposed to grow as people. We're problem solvers by nature. It's really hard for some people, including me. But we're supposed to level up.
I see articles all the time; people are gaslit by capitalists about what they're supposed to be achieving. People are broke and exhausted and depressed. Everyone is the walking wounded. It sucks. I know all about spoon theory - but then I deduced some of the things that were specifically causing me to "lose spoons," and took steps to correct it. I know it isn't that simple for everyone. But we owe it to ourselves to try. To take risks. To be brave.