numb3r_5ev3n (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
numb3r_5ev3n) wrote2022-12-19 11:50 am
numb3r_5ev3n) wrote2022-12-19 11:50 am
"Everything is still happening so much." Holiday edition.
This is certainly not a popular opinion, even though I have said this on this site before - but I hate the Christmas season, as only someone who is seriously triggered when their routine is seriously disrupted can.
I have a hard time keeping up with people anyway - but if I don't reach out to certain people during this time of year, every year, it means I'm a horrible reprobate!
"But holidays mean you have a chance to slow down and breathe a moment" - no. No, Karen. Nothing slows down. Nothing ever slows down. I just get tripped up. Holidays feel like being tripped, and falling face first flat onto the concrete when you were running to try and catch your bus or train.
Holidays mean that my struggle to keep up with everything collapses and everything grinds to a screeching halt. My various neurodivergent issues mean that generally I have to work twice as hard to function like a regular adult, and during the Holidays that means I have to work four times as hard.
Holidays are forgetting what I was doing and tasks being half done because I suddenly panicked because I remembered all of the extra phone calls I have to make and the holiday cards I forgot to send.
The holidays are interruptions that are interrupted by even more interruptions.
Holidays are telling people "I'm sorry, I'll get back to you" but I can't because there are so many people I have to get back to.
Holidays are social obligations on top of work, which just amounts to more work.
Holidays mean stress crying because inevitably I'm going to forget someone or run out of money for gifts or time for people, and look like an asshole.
"Bah humbug, you sound like Scrooge! He hated the Holidays too!"
Nope, Scrooge was evil not because he hated Holidays, but because he was trying to Do A Capitalism and squeeze as much labor as possible out of his employees on Christmas Day, and Capitalism is hostile to everyone all of the time anyway, even when A Christmas Carol was written.
"It sounds like you just need to be proactive and get organized-" Guess what, that would mean MORE WORK and something else I have to focus on as I'm juggling everything else!
Otherwise, the holidays are actively fucking hostile to everyone with social anxiety disorders and large swathes of the non-neurotypical population, and I fucking hate this time of year.
The apartment nearly got broken into on Friday (the dogs Did Their Thing and the would-be burglar bolted) but I haven't even had a chance to tell the office because of tHE FUCKING HOLIDAYS.
I have a hard time keeping up with people anyway - but if I don't reach out to certain people during this time of year, every year, it means I'm a horrible reprobate!
"But holidays mean you have a chance to slow down and breathe a moment" - no. No, Karen. Nothing slows down. Nothing ever slows down. I just get tripped up. Holidays feel like being tripped, and falling face first flat onto the concrete when you were running to try and catch your bus or train.
Holidays mean that my struggle to keep up with everything collapses and everything grinds to a screeching halt. My various neurodivergent issues mean that generally I have to work twice as hard to function like a regular adult, and during the Holidays that means I have to work four times as hard.
Holidays are forgetting what I was doing and tasks being half done because I suddenly panicked because I remembered all of the extra phone calls I have to make and the holiday cards I forgot to send.
The holidays are interruptions that are interrupted by even more interruptions.
Holidays are telling people "I'm sorry, I'll get back to you" but I can't because there are so many people I have to get back to.
Holidays are social obligations on top of work, which just amounts to more work.
Holidays mean stress crying because inevitably I'm going to forget someone or run out of money for gifts or time for people, and look like an asshole.
"Bah humbug, you sound like Scrooge! He hated the Holidays too!"
Nope, Scrooge was evil not because he hated Holidays, but because he was trying to Do A Capitalism and squeeze as much labor as possible out of his employees on Christmas Day, and Capitalism is hostile to everyone all of the time anyway, even when A Christmas Carol was written.
"It sounds like you just need to be proactive and get organized-" Guess what, that would mean MORE WORK and something else I have to focus on as I'm juggling everything else!
Otherwise, the holidays are actively fucking hostile to everyone with social anxiety disorders and large swathes of the non-neurotypical population, and I fucking hate this time of year.
The apartment nearly got broken into on Friday (the dogs Did Their Thing and the would-be burglar bolted) but I haven't even had a chance to tell the office because of tHE FUCKING HOLIDAYS.
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Im so sorry your apartment almost was broken into. That’s terrifying.
-Max
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This is...becoming my "normal", if it wasn't already that. Economic decline aggravates all of this, of course.
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Holy crap! Good dogs! I would ask if you were okay, but that would be a dumb fucking question under the circumstances.
In case I have not said it before: I would like to see you when you would like to be seen. If that never includes winter holidays ... then it doesn't and I'm cool with that. You are invited - but not expected - at my social gatherings. And people who think you're an asshole for having anxiety are being assholes themselves. You are welcome to say hi to me on Discord/other socials only as you have social spoons available, because unless I have a migraine or something, I basically always want to make time to talk to my people. But please and thank you for taking care of yourself first.
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thank fuck the robbers got scared off, but jfc.